I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
