he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
