i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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