Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a hot homeless man
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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