two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
