Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
