perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
