my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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