where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
