I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
