also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
