the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
