OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
