He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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