four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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