I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
