Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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