Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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