That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
