god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
