I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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