In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
