he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
