On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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