It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
