This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
