hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
