planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
