Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
