Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
