The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
