turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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