you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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