I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
