I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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