Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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