Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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