butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
