Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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