I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
