I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
