Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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