8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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