the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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