Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
