Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
