Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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