You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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