Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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