I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
