I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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