I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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