I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
where are my eyebrows?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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