I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
