So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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