4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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