I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
