so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
