I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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