my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
