Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
