neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
