I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They are going to name an STD after you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
