I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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