Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
