Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
