She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
