I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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