I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
