I puked a lego.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
