I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just invented taco cereal.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
