When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
